Fear and Ice

Sometimes, overwhelming waves of emotions engulf me.

They take my breath away with their power. I feel helpless and naked in their presence. It hurts. It burns. Sometimes, it feels like they could kill me, these emotions.

How to respond?

I consider that question, as I sit in the glaring winter sun. There’s a long icicle outside my window. It’s gleaming in that sun’s rays. Hard and clear, it’s locked- literally frozen in time and space. It looks so strong and proud- so sure in its place.

I start to envy it. Cold. Solid. Lucid. Everything just goes right through it without a care. Without any involvement. No response.

I step back- consider a bigger picture. Life’s a mix of what’s there and what we hope and fear. If I freeze into a block of ice, I might manage. However, that won’t erase what’s around me.

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross was a psychiatrist who studied death and wrote the book On Death and Dying. She jumped into life and made some great contributions to the world (we need even more thoughts that what she provided on death and dying) and also became involved in some big mistakes (at one point she was scammed by a spiritualist).

I’ve written previously about the need for us all to embrace failure as part of life, in I Heart Failure. I add all this all to my thoughts on fearful levels of emotions. I want to hide when I’m afraid I can’t handle it. I want everything to stop and freeze when I’m thinking I’m not strong enough.

That ice is beautiful, but it’s solidity is a false front. That sun will win, eventually. Nothing is truly alone.

We’d be best to accept the sun, as well. Life and people are most beautiful when left to do and be. To mix in wild combinations. To try and fail. To try again. To not attempt to hide and be alone.

Beautiful people don’t just happen.

Beautiful things don’t just happen.

They both take interaction. Give and take. And time.

May we all have the strength to allow that and see it through.